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 Updated//The Ant and the Grasshopper

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krossquad
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PostSubject: Updated//The Ant and the Grasshopper   Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:44 am

Greetings:

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not EasyBeing Green'. Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the SEIU group singing, We Shall Overcome. Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper's sake, while he damns the ants.
President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.
Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti‑Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the GovernmentGreen Czar and given to thegrasshopper. The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

by(e)carg
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Hansc
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PostSubject: Re: Updated//The Ant and the Grasshopper   Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:04 am

Funny, and true. bounce
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BeyondBlessed
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PostSubject: Re: Updated//The Ant and the Grasshopper   Thu Dec 27, 2012 10:53 am

The ant sees the folly of the grasshopper and projects that on his loyal servants that helped him build his empire. The industrial operations of the ant are so risky no private insurance company will cover him, so he relies on the Department of Energy to assume all liability and protect his assets. He's also afraid of competitors that might come along and threaten his empire, especially now that he's given up on keeping positive PR. The ant creates PACs and convinces a good portion of his employees that his best interest is their best interest. When the politicians he supports gets elected, he takes all the credit and demands they support his interests. When they don't do so well, he blames the grasshopper who somehow got the sympathy of a majority that work a lot harder for a lot less than the ant has.

He then splinters off a small fraction of his company and loads it with all of his debt obligations, including employee pensions, and files bankruptcy. The judge tells the pensioners to get lost and his larger company sweeps in to buy all the profitable assets. Now a hurricane is blowing in and the Department of Energy must come in to secure his capital investments, but shortly thereafter many of his peasants' modest homes are destroyed. Since they weren't responsible enough to buy their own politicians and have someone else assume liability, he writes to those politicians to demand they don't help, because they're clearly all undeserving grasshoppers.

I'm sorry, I kept saying "ant" but I meant David Koch.
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Lazarus Short
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PostSubject: Re: Updated//The Ant and the Grasshopper   Wed Jan 16, 2013 10:21 am

OP, that was EXCELLENT! Do you write this stuff yourself?
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